my life in all its stupidity and splendor.

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DAUGHTER

Sometimes… I want to tell them.
I want to tell them that beer won’t fill you up and sex won’t cure your heartaches.
I see their eyes- they strip women as if they never knew she was once a little girl.
That she used to twirl around in pink dresses, point in awe of little birds eating crumbs off the ground, kiss her daddy’s nose and smush his face between her baby fingers.
They never knew…they still don’t know. Maybe they do, but can’t see it when lust digs into their haughty eyes until they crumble. Crumble and blow away like dust. Who the hell do you think you are to treat her as if she were always a whore.
Because she wasn’t.
She isn’t.

She used to be wedding white, dipping her hands in bubbles, laughing with every breathe she had no idea she had, kissing the straw of her grape juice box.
And she didn’t just used to be…she still is.
So treat her as if she were the daughter of a man who cried when he first heard the soft breaths of his baby girl blooming into the world.
Treat her as if she were the sister of a brother who would call from halfway around the world just to make sure she was being treated right.
Treat her as if she were the granddaughter of a man who would give anything to have that little one jump into his arms and wrap her teeny legs around his soul without any notion of when to let go.
Treat her as is she were the bride of a soldier who waited his whole life just to hear her say, “I do.”
Treat her as is she were a pure, holy, unblemished beauty.
As if she were a rare jewel- carved and crafted to perfection.
As if she were a rose; sensitive to the slightest touch.
As if she were a porcelain tea cup- easily broken beneath rough fingers.
As if she were the daughter of a King.

Because that’s what she is.

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author unknown

can this be my life? minus the long haired boy..

time to let you go.

You gotta know you want it to…

“I Will Wait…for You” — Janette Ikz

So it seemed, that it was cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me..

So I took matters into my own hands… and ended up with him.

Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, and a thief.

So.. why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?

I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,

Cause it was ME who let him in…

Claiming we were “just friends”..

It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t!

I was gonna make him ‘The One’..

You know… I was tired of being alone,

And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time so I decided to drag him along for the ride,

Cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride..

A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat

Who was tired of the wait!

So I was gonna make him ‘The One’.

He had a… form of Godliness… but not much..

But hey, hey I can change him! So (honey) I’ll take him, I mean he’s close… enough.

Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me.

Arteries so clogged with my will, it blocked His Will from flowing through me.

So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,

That flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my bac.

Through my ignorance He saw,

Through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest

To transplant Psalm 51:10;

A new heart and a renewed right spirit within!

So now I fully understand,

Better yet I thoroughly comprehend,

How much I need to wait… for You.

See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning..

Cause in the beginning was the Word

And he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son.

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,

And all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings –

Which meant nothing.

He couldn’t even pray when I Needed him to,

Asking him to fast would be absurd!

So forget about being cleansed and washed with water through the Word.

But I know You.. 

You were already praying for me,

Even never having met me.

Let me assure you, I will wait for you.

I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you

To appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention

And short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’.

You know…. He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?

His first name Luke,

His last name Warm.

I, I won’t settle for false companionship,

I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,

Attempting to find some closeness,

But never feeling so far apart cause “I just wanna be held.”

Cause ”all I gotta do is Say” No!

No more ‘almost sessions’ of ‘almost coming close’

Passing winks and buying drinks,

I’ma, I’ma, I’ma flirt!

Who flirts with the ideology of,

‘Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?’

No more.

I’ll stay in my bed… alone, and write poems, about how I will wait for you 

He won’t even come close,

Our fingers won’t even interlock,

We won’t even exchange breath,

Cause I have thoughts that I’ve ‘saved as’ in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

I will no longer get weighted down,

From so-called friends and family talks,

About the concern for my biological clock

When I serve the Author of Time.

Who is not subject to time,

But I’m subject to Him,

He has the ability to stop, fast forward, pause or rewind at any given time…

So if we could role play,

You would be Abraham and I would be Sara

Or you can be Isaac and I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answered prayer

I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,

Made up of your rib Adam!

And once we meet, like electrons

I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom.

We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him.

We were all created in His image,

But you have the ability to reflect, project and even detect the Son.

If I were to explain what you looked like,

You would have to look like a star,

A son of the Son..

I would gain energy simply from the light on me.

I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis

I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you 

And I will know you… because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,

Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,

Your faith will remind me of Abraham,

Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,

Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,

Your heart for God will remind me of David,

Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,

Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,

And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,

But Your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.

But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks,

Cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will find me,

Where the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth.

Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,

Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.

I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.

But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth

Only if you should see fit

I desire Your will above mine,

So even if you call me to a life of singleness,

My heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.

YOU are the greatest love story ever told,

The greatest story ever known

You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness

And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business

Oh, I will always be Yours!

And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning…

More than the watchmen wait for the morning… I WILL WAIT.

“you desired my attention but denied my affections…

oh, tell me now where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart.”

Lead me with strong hands, stand up when i can’t. Don’t leave me hungry for love…show me you’re willing to fight, that i’m still the love of your life…

Dear Darla, 

i hate your stinkin’ guts. You make me vomit. You are scuuuuum between my toes.

Love, Alfalfa

OHHHHHHTAAAYYYY.

Keb Mo’- Life is BEAUTIFUL

THIS is Church.